Let’s do V Day on the D-Low

Let’s do V Day on the D-Low

Happy month of love, gals n guys. Valentine’s rears its sickly sweet, candy coloured tacky lil head in just a couple of days, and it’s got me thinking. Shops fill their shelves with unashamedly garish V Day themed gifts, cards shout ‘you’re the light of my life’ and every single bladdy restaurant decides to capitalise on capitalism’s second fave festivity (after Chrimbo), with set menus at eye-watering prices making Valentine’s less about the romance, and more about potential bankruptcy.

And it’s just so CRINGE. If you’re someone that loves a good vom-inducing, ‘look at me with myyyy boyfriend’ braggy Insta post on Valentine’s, it is still possible that you’ll still question some of the icky presents on sale in the shops. And if you’re someone that would prefer it if Theresa May started making some real decisions and imposed a ban on V Day (that’s the majority of us) then the whole shebang will have you wanting to dig a human-sized burial hole, and officially announce your retirement in it.

Valentine’s Day is commercialised and tacky. Galentine’s Day is commercialised and tacky. However you want to spend this V Day, you know it’s still commercialised and tacky. So if we’re all clutching at our stomachs feigning vom-inducing symptoms courtesy of Valentine’s, then why do we all continue to indulge in the celebrations?

My conclusion is that it’s because secretly, inside our lil minds; the part of the brain where we don’t admit those thoughts out loud: we all quietly love Valentine’s Day. Just as we’d never admit we’ve wished we were Emma Stone in a real life LaLa Land, minus the final rejection from Sebastian (every single day) we’re never going to openly admit to actually kind of enjoying V Day. And just as we’d never say that our lifetime goal is to get proposed to underneath the Eiffel Tower (in summer, with a picnic laid out on the grass, sun shining overhead and a camera crew capturing every second- definitely not thought this through… nope) Valentine’s is never going to be something we’ll openly gush about.

Because that would be a crime, wouldn’t it.

But let’s be honest, although there’s never any way in hell the majority of us would A) want to be proposed to on Valentine’s, B) would want to spend a solid £50 per head just to indulge in a swanky meal out on the day itself and C) would buy a disgustingly tacky, mahoosive pink card adorned with glitter for the other half (unless used ironically) – there’s that teeny lil part of us that still secretly loves celebrating V Day. Like a wee special secret shared between yourself and yo other half, only you two know how much you’re bladdy enjoying yourselves this Valentine’s.

And so it’s time to embrace the celebrations. Just on the down low.

Keeping it caj this Valentine’s is the way forward. And imma here to vet potential date night ideas, quash any sign of over-excitement and to help you perfect the art of ‘oh Valentine’s? That old day? Forgot it was even this week!’ when you’ve actually planned a whole schedule of events for you and your loved one. No one need know you’re excited for Valentine’s. Not when you keep it caj.

The ‘oh, this old thing?’ outfit 

Let’s chat about this BEAUTY of an outfit I just oh so casually threw together for my Valentine’s weekend this last weekend- also, I promise, I’m not big on V Day, it’s just w myself and my boyfriend being long distance, we can’t see each other for the actual day, ya know. This Zara skirt is flirty, floaty n fabulous, and is v on trend with ze spots. Paired with a sassy lace body, this look could 110% be ready for every Valentine’s cliche: a sexy, sassy get up for a fancy pants evenin’ meal. However, that would be too cringe here, for us caj people, wouldn’t it. So I’ve teamed it with this cheap AS CHIPS Topshop cosy jumper of DREAMS (it’s just £15 in the sale, pals) and this outfit is sorted for every Valentine eventuality. If ya wanna play it cool, you can pass the outfit off as fashionable, yet caj. But if you turn up and ya date is proper into the whole Valentine’s ordeal, you can still look together enough to have made an effort. Best of both worlds, ya?

Galentine’s done right 

Pizza on the sofa, prosecco in hand, indulge in a movie night with ya gals. Don’t spend the eve talkin’ about boys n how annoyin they can be- spend this time as a celebration of how great friends are, because that’s what Galentine’s should really be about!

Date nights with a (casual) twist 

If ya wanna treat your other half to something for V Day, but you don’t want to relent to the tacky presents on display in the shops, the trick to finding a caj Valentine’s gift is to do ya research. After a quick search of fun things to do in Birmingham, I came across a mini golf scenario to book for my boyfriend for Valentine’s. Now this would have been potentially cute n soppy n disgusting- had it not been Ghetto Golf. Graffiti covers the walls of the golf course, and there’s even a chance to pitch n putt your way into a street art installation of a toilet. Romance. Not too cheese, yet still quirky and memorable, these kinda gifts are the ones to be purchasin’ this V Day.

Avoid the cheese with a handmade card 

Now I know a handmade card sounds like effort and therefore cheesy and cliched, but the beauty of the kind of handmade card I’m talkin’ about is that you can customise your message to be as insulting, awful n non cringe as you want. Go all out on the insults- don’t give in to the romance of Valentine’s, whatsoever.

Go all out and spend absolutely zero money whatsoever 

Shove a frozen pizza in the oven, stick on a film and you’re epitomising Valentine’s casualness. Fabulous.



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